Mrs. Delgado, my legal gladiator, gave me a nod.
"Ready?" she whispered.
"Born ready," I said. "Let's turn heartbreak into case law."
The bailiff called the session to order.
The judge entered.
A silver-haired woman with glasses perched halfway down her nose and a face that said she'd seen it all.
If this woman's life were a movie, it would be called Fifty Shades of Divorce.
"Case number 4,823. Carver versus Carver," the clerk announced.
The judge glanced over her glasses at both of us.
"Let's make this quick. I skipped breakfast."
Mrs. Delgado smiled faintly.
"Your Honor, we'll be as efficient as possible."
Belinda's lawyer cleared his throat, instantly trying to charm.
"Your Honor, my client is simply seeking a fair division of marital assets. She contributed greatly to the household, and..."
The judge raised a hand.
"Save the speech. I'll see the paperwork."
Mrs. Delgado slid our neatly labeled folder across the bench.
I swear the sound it made, paper gliding over wood, was the sweetest music I'd ever heard.
"Your Honor," she said, "this is Exhibit Belinda: Season Finale. It includes proof of infidelity, financial mismanagement, and enough text messages to crash a phone."
The judge adjusted her glasses and flipped open the binder.
Belinda shifted in her seat.
Her lawyer tried to keep his poker face, but I could tell by the twitch in his jaw he hadn't been briefed on all the evidence.
Page one, screenshots of texts between Belinda and her boss.
Page two, hotel receipts.
Page three, the video.
Yes, the one Tar edited with jazz music and tasteful fade-outs.
When the video started playing on the courtroom monitor, you could have heard a pin drop.
There they were.
Belinda and Mr. Hairline in glorious 1080p.
Mrs. Delgado had even added subtitles for clarity.
Belinda:
You make spreadsheets sexy.
Boss:
Only for you, baby.
The courtroom collectively exhaled a scandalized "Oof."
Even the judge's eyebrows lifted.
And I swear someone in the back whispered, "Yikes."
Belinda's lawyer jumped up.
"Your Honor, this is highly inappropriate."
The judge waved him off.
"Oh, hush. It's evidence and oddly cinematic."
Mrs. Delgado smiled sweetly.
"My IT consultant added the transitions, Your Honor."
"Very professional," the judge said dryly. "Continue."
The footage ended with Belinda's boss wiping lipstick off his chin.
When the screen went dark, the silence was thicker than courtroom coffee.
The judge leaned forward.
"Mrs. Carver, is this you texting, 'You make spreadsheets sexy'?"
Belinda froze.
Her lawyer opened his mouth, but she beat him to it.
"I... I can explain."
"No need," the judge said, closing the folder. "I've been married three times. I know that look."
A few snickers rippled through the courtroom.
I kept my face neutral.
But inside, I was doing cartwheels.
Mrs. Delgado stood.
"Your Honor, in light of this overwhelming evidence, we request that my client retain full ownership of the marital property and all financial accounts. Mrs. Carver's actions demonstrate clear breach of marital trust and misuse of shared funds."