She put her bag down.
"Hi."
"Hi."
She looked toward the legal pad.
"What is that?"
"Questions."
She almost smiled sadly.
"Of course."
I had written twelve.
I only needed five.
"Was Cole the first?"
Her face changed.
She sat across from me.
"The first what?"
"Person you've done this with."
"Yes."
I watched carefully.
"Online too?"
She hesitated.
There it was.
"Lauren."
"There were conversations."
"With who?"
"People."
"Men?"
"Yes."
"How many?"
"I don't know."
"Estimate."
"Three."
My chest tightened.
"Over how long?"
"Maybe eight months."
"Did you meet them?"
"No."
"Send pictures?"
She looked away.
I closed my eyes.
"Explicit?"
"Not completely."
"What does that mean?"
"Flirty."
"Lauren."
"One photo."
I stared.
"Of what?"
"Lingerie."
I stood and walked to the sink.
She started crying.
I gripped the counter.
"Anything else?"
"No."
"Anyone from work?"
"No."
"Anyone I know?"
"No."
"Did you plan to meet any of them?"
"No."
"Cole was the first."
"Yes."
I turned.
"So this didn't begin on vacation."
"No."
The honesty hurt.
But at least it was honesty.
I asked:
"Why?"
She wiped her face.
"I liked being wanted."
I nodded.
"That's probably the truest thing you've said."
She looked down.
"I felt like your wife."
"Not Lauren."
I stared at her.
"What does that even mean?"
"I don't know."
"You keep saying that."
She pressed both hands against her forehead.
"I was bored with myself."
Not me.
Herself.
That distinction mattered.
She continued.
"I went to work."
"Came home."
"We ate dinner."
"Watched something."
"Went to bed."
"I started feeling older."
"Less interesting."
"Then someone online said I looked beautiful and it felt..."
She stopped.
"New."
I finished.
She nodded.
I sat again.
"Do you understand that none of this has anything to do with whether I loved you?"
"I do now."
"Did you then?"
"I think I blamed you because that was easier."
That answer I respected.
I asked the hardest question.
"Were you hoping to sleep with Cole?"
She cried before answering.
"I don't know."
I said nothing.
She corrected herself.
"Maybe."
There it was.
I nodded.
"Okay."
"Did you?"
"No."