Insecure.
Once that label stuck, everything became easier for Emily.
If I objected, I was insecure.
If Jake crossed a boundary, my reaction became insecurity.
If Emily hid something because she knew it would bother me, she described hiding it as avoiding my insecurity.
That was the part I did not understand soon enough.
Calling someone insecure can be accurate.
It can also become an efficient way to make them defend their emotional reaction instead of examining what caused it.
Meanwhile, my career accelerated.
Novalyn had acquired a smaller European AI infrastructure company.
I was asked to help integrate their platform.
That put me in meetings with Amsterdam several times a week.
Six months later, Daniel Reeves, one of our VPs, called me into his office.
“You interested in Europe?”
“For vacation?”
“For two to three years.”
I laughed.
He did not.
The Amsterdam team needed a senior developer who understood our U.S. platform and could lead integration.
Salary adjustment.
Relocation.
Work authorization handled.
Initial housing.
Leadership track.
It was the most exciting professional opportunity anyone had ever offered me.
I went home expecting Emily to be surprised.
Maybe nervous.
I did not expect immediate resistance.
“Amsterdam?”
She stared.
“Yes.”
“As in Netherlands.”
“There is only one relevant Amsterdam here.”
“For how long?”
“Two years minimum.”
“Maybe longer.”
Her face changed.
“Alex.”
“What?”
“I can't move to Europe.”
“Why not?”
She laughed nervously.
“My job.”
“We can figure that out.”
“My family.”
“Flights exist.”
“My friends.”
“Emily, it’s Amsterdam.”
“Not Mars.”
She paced.
“You can say that because you’re the one getting the dream job.”
“Then make it ours.”
“That’s easy for you.”
We argued for two hours.
At some point she said:
“I finally have stability.”
“I can't blow everything up because your company waves money around.”
Then:
“And Jake just moved back.”
I stopped.
“What does Jake have to do with this?”
“Nothing.”
“You literally included him.”
“He's part of my friend group.”
“He's going through things.”
“His dad’s sick.”
“He’s trying to restart his career.”
“I don't want to leave everybody.”
Everybody.
But Jake’s name came first.
That should have mattered more to me.
Instead, I declined.
Daniel stared at me when I told him.
“You’re serious?”
“My relationship is here.”
“Bring her.”
“She doesn't want to move.”
He sighed.
“I’m not your dad.”
“But professionally?”
“This is a mistake.”
I knew.
Still declined.
Emily was ecstatic.
That evening she ordered takeout from my favorite Thai place and bought champagne.
“I know what you gave up.”
She wrapped her arms around me.
“I won't forget.”
Six months later, Daniel called again.
Same role.
Expanded responsibilities.
Better package.
Emily now had been at her job long enough that relocation seemed more realistic.
I brought it up.
She immediately looked stressed.
“Again?”
“They really want me.”
“I know.”
“I thought maybe now…”
“I just got promoted.”
“That’s great.”
“Exactly.”