Ryan rubbed his palms together. "I don't know." "You had five months to come up with something better than that." "I wanted... I wanted to feel normal."
Ava stared at him. He seemed to regret the words before she spoke. "Normal." "That came out wrong." "No.
Explain it exactly the way you meant it." Ryan stood and moved a few steps away from the table, though he did not approach her. "Everything between us had become schedules. Work. The house.
Doctors. Trying for a baby. Every conversation felt like it was about what we needed to do next. I felt like I was failing you every month too, and I didn't know how to say that without making it about me." Ava listened without blinking.
Ryan continued because silence made him nervous. "Lily was going through her own mess. We talked. At first, that's all it was. She wasn't expecting anything from me.
I could just... talk." Lily whispered, "Ryan, stop." Ava lifted one hand. "No. Let him finish."
Ryan looked miserable. "I'm not blaming you." "You already are." "I'm not." "You just described our marriage like a job you were tired of and my sister like a vacation."
"That's not what I meant." "Then stop saying things you don't mean and tell me what you actually mean." He struggled for words. "I mean I was selfish. I liked how easy it felt to talk to her.
Then one night we crossed a line, and after that I didn't know how to undo it." Ava's eyes narrowed. "You did know. You stop. You tell your wife.
You accept what happens next. That's how you undo it." "I was afraid I'd lose you." "So you kept doing the thing that would make sure you lost me." Ryan's face tightened with pain.
Ava felt no sympathy. Lily spoke from the table. "He tried to end it after the first time." Ava looked at her. "Are you defending him now?"
"No. I just... I don't want you thinking he chased me for months." Ava gave a stunned laugh. "You think that matters?"
"It matters to me because it wasn't like that." "What was it like?" Lily looked down. "We were both lonely." Ava's anger changed shape again.
"You were lonely." "I know how it sounds." "You had a key to my house. You had me. Mom.
Friends. A new job. You were not abandoned in the wilderness." "That's not what I meant." "Apparently nobody in this room means what they say."