That was the moment fear became something else. Ava followed her gaze. Ryan had gone still. He was no longer pretending to eat. One hand rested flat against the table, and the other remained hidden beneath it.
His shoulders were rigid beneath the black shirt Ava had bought him for their anniversary dinner the previous spring. She remembered choosing that shirt. She remembered standing behind him in the store while he tried it on, smoothing the fabric over his shoulder, telling him he looked too good in black. She remembered him grinning at her reflection in the mirror. That memory felt suddenly obscene.
"Lily," Ava said again. Lily shook her head. "Look at me." Lily did. Her face crumpled.
Ava felt the floor of her life begin to tilt before a single word had been spoken. For several seconds, Lily could not speak. She pressed her lips together, drew a breath through her nose, and stared at the plate in front of her as if the answer might be written somewhere between the untouched vegetables. Ryan shifted in his chair, and Ava saw his right foot move beneath the table toward Lily before stopping midway, the aborted gesture somehow more revealing than if he had reached for her hand.
Ava's suspicion sharpened. "Lily... what aren't you telling me?" Lily's shoulders trembled. When she finally answered, her voice was so quiet Ava almost thought she had misunderstood it. "I'm pregnant."
The words struck Ava with surprise, but not yet with horror. Her first instinct was concern. She stared at Lily's face, then automatically dropped her gaze toward the burgundy fabric over her sister's abdomen, seeing nothing obvious, only the subtle way Lily held herself as if the secret had weight. "Pregnant?" Ava repeated.
Lily nodded once. A dozen questions crowded into Ava's mind. How far along? Had she seen a doctor? Was Caleb somehow involved despite the breakup?
Was there someone new Lily had been too nervous to mention? Beneath those questions came the older-sister reflex Ava had carried since childhood: protect first, sort out the mess second. She leaned forward. "Okay. Hey, that's... that's a lot, but it's not the end of the world.
We'll figure out what you need." Lily closed her eyes. Ava saw the reaction and stopped. Lily did not look relieved. She looked devastated.
"Then why do you look this scared?" Ava asked. The room changed. Ryan's breathing became audible.
It was not loud, but Ava heard it because everything else seemed to fall away: the rain, the refrigerator, even the faint tick from the clock in the hall. Lily looked at him again, and this time Ava did not merely notice the glance. She understood that whatever came next belonged to both of them. "Don't," Ryan said under his breath. Ava turned toward him so quickly the chair creaked beneath her.
"What did you just say?" He seemed to realize he had spoken aloud. "Nothing." Lily covered her mouth with one hand. "No," Ava said.
"You said don't. Don't what?" Ryan dragged a hand across his jaw. "Ava, just let her talk." "I am letting her talk.
You're the one telling her not to." Lily's tears spilled over. "Because Ryan is the father." For a heartbeat, Ava heard the sentence as individual words without meaning. Ryan.
Is. The. Father. They were ordinary English words. She knew all of them.